What do you see?

When I look at my life, I see how easy it is for people to be deceived by what they see. When they see me, they see a girl who is always happy, chirpy and loving. They see a girl who is adorable and beautiful and gets everything that she wants. They see whatever can be see by the eyes of a human.

What they fail to see is how upset or dissatisfied or angry, I am from inside. They fail to see what all goes inside this head of mine. They fail to see the blackhole that engulfs me deep within every minute.

Sometimes, they do see that something is wrong. But all they ask is that why am I upset? But I never am upset about a thing. I am never angry about something. I just am sad and angry and frustrated. But that doesn’t mean, I don’t feel happy or loved or loving. Sometimes I feel like my mind is a multiverse and it contains so many universe of its own.

Whatever phrases I use, however many adjectives, I will never be able to tell the difference between what I am and what I seem to be.

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Morning Shifts

Working in IT and providing global support requires me to come in different kind of shifts. But of all the shifts, I am going to talk about my way too early morning shifts. In the months of mornings, I am required to get up at 4:30 AM in the morning (when my normal waking up time would be around 9 in the morning). Somehow I think, the waking up part is not difficult. What’s difficult is to keep yourself in that awake state for the most part of the mornings, afternoon and evening.

There is another debate that goes on within myself: should I take a bath now or should I come back from office and take a bath. The after bath usually wins! Then comes the most torturous part where I have to keep myself awake for good long hours and not only that, I am also made to take hard tough decisions. Decisions about work, about friends I want to talk to or don’t want to talk to, about food that I must eat and so many things.

And because you have got up that early in the morning, you can never manage to look good, not even average. You look like a zombie and the frustration to keep your eyes open all along is quite evident on your face. It is like each month I promise my self to look good, dress up good for office because that is where I spent most part of my days and that is where I should be feeling good. But morning shifts comes with different plans. It never wants you to look good.

I mean not everything is bad. After a week, you get used to it and then when you go back home you still have all your evening and night to you. I could do so much with that time in my hands but I choose to sleep it over. Because I love my sleep. But sometimes I go for shopping or a walk and then I realize, I could have never done this in any other shift.

Moral of the story: I simply hate morning shifts but I love all the ME time it comes with. :)

The art of letter writing

I know many people have talked about this and the people who write already know what I mean when I say that writing stuff on digital devices or social media is not the same as writing it down on a piece of paper.

The two feelings are so different. When I am typing I am never able to bring out the full emotions thinking about that one thing, one situation, one person or one experience. All I am able to do is put a gist of the whole thing and write it in the fewest of the words possible. Strange and interesting. Although when I start writing on a paper, I can feel myself feeling up that thing, being in that situation, being with that person or experience the same things.

To take a hand written letter in hand feels so intimate, feels like we are connected to the person. The person who took a piece of paper, sat down and put all his thought process to jot down words together for me and all that while that person was thinking about me; and only me. Isn’t that intimate?

Well, I wanted to feel that thrill and that experience again, but I had no one to post the letters to. So, I reached out to all my social media friends and asked them if they want hand written letters and are willing to share their address with me. I was surprised to see such a huge response. Now, I have a job to get done. I will write out letters to them all, wishing them luck and a beautiful journey.

If you feel like receiving a letter yourself, share your address with me in the comments. 🙂

 

 

 

Bookworm Days

I am going through that phase where I just want to read as many books as possible. I want to go through most of them cover to cover. The number of books I have bought recently like crazy thinking I will finish them all in just one go.

Every book I see and come to know about, I have a strong urge that I should read them. It is my duty to read them and then enlighten the world with the knowledge of how I found that book to be. (I know this seems stupid.)

I have always loved reading but not the way I have started reading these days. Some of the novels that I have finished in the last 2 months are:

  1. Veronica Decides to Die – It was okay. I didn’t like it much.
  2. Can you keep a Secret? – Light and fun reading chic-lit.
  3. The White Tiger – I loved it!
  4. The Husband’s Secret – Again, this was okay. It was kind of predictable.
  5. And the Mountains Echoed – I have loved all Khalid’s books. This one was also great.
  6. The Time Traveler’s Wife – It was a bit lengthy and got tiring. Although, I really liked the story-line.

The list is ever growing. Let me know if you are going or have ever went through this phase in life and what all books did you read? Well, I must admit, it is fun.

 

Daily Prompt: New Beginnings

via Daily Prompt: Mope

As the year 2016 is about to end, a series of moping will now start as to what we did wrong and what we should not have done. My personal take is that whatever we do adds to our being. Each day’s experiences, either good or bad makes us who we are.

I am really happy for all the changes that I have made in my life this year. I am happy that my life is getting defined in a new way.

This year we added a new family member; my pet dog, Oreo. I changed my job or rather my manager and am really happy at my current job. I shifted into living with my boyfriend and have understood the meaning of settlement.

What I can really mope about is my negligence for my health. I need to focus more on my personal well-being which I believe is the most important factor for happiness.

My 2016, in all ways was good and a few negative experiences are not going to change that, come hell or high water 😛 . I wish everyone a Happy New Year 2017 and hope that you achieve success in whatever field you espouse !!

 

 

 

 

 

 

Remember Me?

Imagine waking up one day and realizing you are 3 years ahead and you don’t remember even a single day of your last 3 years. Moreover, you are now a changed person. Lexi wakes up in a hospital and learns that it is 2007, not 2004. She is the boss of the department she used to work in, and she is married to a millionaire!! This book keeps you glued till the end where you want to know what happened that changed Lexi and her life so drastically.

Amnesia can be frustrating and the idea behind the novel is thought provoking. What would you do in a situation like her, where you do not recognize your new and current life. Lexi decides that she will play along thinking that it will revive her memory. Reader’s discover the mystery along as Lexi tries to figure out her life.

I really enjoyed reading this one! This was my first ever Sophie Kinsella novel. The story was funny and crazy but it just clicks with the reader. I may admit that the novel may attract only the girl crowd, but this novel is well written. The clever plot kept me turning pages at the record pace. Looking forward to reading her Shopaholic series.

Here’s the Thing

3 months back… I was in this place where I had a few people with me who are worth mentioning.

The first of course is my girlfriend. She was a part of all my shenanigans! Together we were ruling the place and trust me we made people jealous. A different kind of jealous, where they used to be more in a state of shock. There was nothing that we both couldn’t do. I miss being with her. Be it Foosball, cricket or TT or any other sport, we were donning it together. The way we dirty danced in our first and again in our last parties. Uff we were sexy together. We could have laughed at our troubles and made trouble sorry for even making an existence.

Journey with her was short but the best days of my life.

There was this another person. A friend I guess. He stood by me till the end. But I guess I left no stone unturned to annoy him and now I miss him too. This is a hard fact to accept. Because sometimes when we miss people, our feelings could be mistaken. He was a part of the best days and together we created beautiful memories. I don’t know what stops me today to go ahead and tell him that I miss him. And when I woke up early this morning, his message on my phone left me thinking again. Why can’t he simply talk to me? Why does he have to play games? Why can’t we just laugh it off? Because I am this way, and I have always been this way. I can’t go back to say sorry even when I am, I can’t go back to say I forgive even when I had already, I can’t go back to mend when I desperately want to.

So here’s the thing I wish for, an evening with them together, were we could sit and feel nostalgic.